Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
