i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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