god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
