Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
