did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
