Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
