I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You are the jesus of drinking
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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