I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sext me about skeletons
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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