I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
