I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
