Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
