So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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