I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
