If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
