I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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