Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
