My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
