i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
