evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
