brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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