Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
