Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he told me I talked like a deaf person
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I checked into jail on foursquare
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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