Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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