I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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