I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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