Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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