I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
