I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
