Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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