its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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