My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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