Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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