Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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