While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There are leaves in my underwear?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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