I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
