this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
