My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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