I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
