There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
