So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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