I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
