What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
