AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
