I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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