the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
