i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
