I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
