another moral hangover. fuck.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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