Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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