If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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