WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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