i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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