Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
