I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize