Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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