oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
