Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can I color on your dick again?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
